This entry was originally posted July 11, 2009 as part of the website “Slouching Towards Anaheim.”
“In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.” -Leo Tolstoy
For the last two days I have left the “Do Not Disturb” sign on my hotel room door all day long, feeling that I really don’t need someone to come in and make my bed, replace the wash cloth I only used once, or empty the trash can of a single candy wrapper. Of course, knowing that no one would see the place, my room had become the victim of my busy convention life.
Tonight I am thankful that my room had become something of a mess, as I find cleaning to be a great way to vent held in anger and refocus the mind away from emotion, confusion, and fear. Perhaps it is the feeling of bringing about order from chaos, if only to one small part of your life.
I write now to say that I do not plan to make a regular blog entry this evening. In this land of rhetoric, I feel the worst thing I can do is try to speak on an important issue when my emotions are guaranteed to get in the way of my message. And at least for now, I can’t properly explain the reasons I found myself upset enough to seek solace in my laundry.
I suppose in this respect, I do have a subject to write about. I applaud those who feel comfortable enough to express their pain, confusion, joy, anger, regret, and revelations with this community. But I have also witnessed, in myself as well as in others, words coming out before thoughts. Let me be clear that I have seen this on all sides and in many settings. I am not talking about one issue or one group. It is perhaps a product of human nature, and a consequence of our unending capacity for empathy. Unfortunately Robert’s Rules of Order makes no exceptions for empathy, and in the setting of General Convention I sometimes worry that people mistake desire for action, and platitudes for logic.
I do not believe in the denial or suppression of emotions. I simply mean that with the massive task of General Convention before us, we all must sacrifice what feels best for what is best. Our hearts should lead us to ministry, but our minds should lead us to the microphone.
Know that before the end of Convention I will find a way to focus my thoughts and present a clear and focused argument, but until then I ask for your forgiveness as I choose not to write about today’s adventures. Even God took a day off.